Braintree – No Acceptable Use or The Puritan Processor

Now I’ve mentioned Braintree Payments a few times as the measuring stick against which all CC processing APIs should be considered. It’s a company I’ve wanted to work with for so long, just because I hate all of the existing payment gateway APIs. Finally a client came along who needed a replacement for the insanely Nazi-esque Paypal. Paypal by the way is a company that I hate, with a passion.

So I hop on over to Braintree Payments and what do I see, a Paypal Company. What the hell? That’s right, they sold out, but not just to any company, but the one company in the whole world that I hate with the fire of a thousand suns: Paypal.

Oh well, I imagine they just got bought by Paypal, so I decide to shoot them an email to see if they can help me with my client, selling legal goods online (just the kind of legal goods that Paypal will freeze your account over.)

I get a nice reply from a sales rep who directs me to their Acceptable Use Policy. Words fail me. Do they process any transactions at all?!?

It’s like they decided to decline to process transactions for 90% of the fucking internet. No Porn. No Age Restricted Services. No telecommunications equipment? No drug paraphernalia? Like t-shirts? Pipes? Because those are legal, it’s just the drugs that aren’t. And in some places, Mary-J is legal.

Essay Mills? I can only guess they mean those sites that sell college/university level essays? Umm, yeah…

Was this fucking list written by John Calvin or Martin Luther? What the hell. While I can understand not wanting to process transactions for things that are Illegal, that’s to be expected. But many of the things this company won’t process are simply immoral, by Christian Standards (not mine actually.)

What a disappointment, what a shame. Puritanism is alive Online, and it’s seat of power is the credit card processors. Whatever are us dirt merchants, vice ridden purveyors of sin, going to do…

Such a shame really.

About Jason

I am a 31 year old programmer living in the south of France. I currently work actively in the fields of Ruby/PHP/Javascript and server/website administration.
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